Name: Free Yourself From The Fear Of Judgement & Start Living Life | Marisa Peer
Uploaded: 2021-03-23T10:03:00.000Z
Duration: 5 min 16 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Babies are born with two fears: the fear of being dropped and the fear of loud noises.

They will crawl straight over the balcony and down a flight of stairs.

They'll walk straight out of an open window.

They'll put their hand in a dog's mouth, they'll stick their fingers in an electric socket because they don't know fear.

And the reason I'm telling you that is because so many fears we have are acquired, so we say we are scared of being rejected.

Here is the thing: When you were born, what was your first experience being looked at?

The nurse, the doctor, mom, dad, grandparents looked at you, counting your toes.

'I am a bit fat, or I am having a bad hair day, I've got these fat legs.'

Babies love being looked (at) even when their diaper is full and their nose is running.

So the fear of being judged is an acquired fear.

We learn to fear being judged because we were judged unkindly or unfavorably.

However, you can overcome that by judging yourself really well.

So we have kind of what I call external fears.

What if I go out with this person and they dump me?

What if I ask that person out and they go, 'Ugh! I do not wanna go out with you'?

What if I go for an interview and they go, 'No thanks! We are not looking for you'?

So, these external fears, disappointment, rejection, hurt, pain.

They mould you, they shape you, they grow you.

And then we have internal fears, which, you know, we have a fear of falling.

We go to the edge of a building, look down, our stomach plummets.

I go to speak on stage, and my fingers feel kind of tingly because I (inaudible) excitement or I'm so nervous.

So we have that inner nervousness about doing things.

Then we have fears of dogs, and cats, and bees and lifts, but these are all learnt fears.

For every person who fears cats, someone else loves them.

And usually, there's a charger when your mother goes, 'Dogs bite', or 'That cat is going to scratch you', or 'That bee is going to sting you', or 'You are going to fall out of the tree and kill yourself', or 'You might drown in the water'.

And I was with a little boy recently who was very fearful because his father would say things when I was in school: This kid like you ran in a road, and he got run over and killed 'cause he didn't know where he is going.

I knew someone who never learned to swim and then (inaudible) he drowned.

And he wanted to make this kid safe, but he actually terrified him because he filled them up with fear, of what could go wrong the worst possible outcome.

I'm driving in the rain, I might skid and die.

When you focus on the worst possible outcome, you actually feel as if you are in that worst possible outcome.

The only way to overcome a fear is instead of focusing on the worst possible outcome, to focus on the best possible outcome.

I am driving. It's foggy. It's dark. It's icy.

I might skid off the road and kill myself.

Or, I am driving very carefully, I am driving very slowly, I am driving very cautiously because I am going to be safe, and I'm gonna get home.

You just have to give yourself different beliefs.

The thing with fear always is you have two choices.

Rationalize why you feel so terrible or talk yourself out of it.

I was on the beach with my daughter and there was a big dog, and it was quite a scary dog, and she didn't like this dog.

And I said to her, 'You know, darling, when you don't like a dog, you get very scared, and the dog doesn't like it either, and he gets scared.'

So when you see a scary dog, turn your back to it, don't look at it because when you look at it, you are challenging it.

And that's hard to do, to turn your back on a dog, but if you turn your back, it's not a challenge.

And she understood that, and I was always teaching her when you have a fear, you have a choice.

Oh my god! That dog is gonna bite me, attack me, hurt me.

Or, 'I'm gonna talk myself, I'm gonna turn away, I'm gonna breath, I'm gonna be very calm, and that dog is gonna go on its way.'

And it's the same with everything in life to do with fear.

Rationalize why you feel so fearful or talk yourself about it.

I'll be fine. This is okay. Everything is going to work out perfectly. I'm okay.

All of these fears hold you back, and they don't have to because every fear you go through teaches you something.

You see, if you go to a funfair and go to the loop the loop rides, you can scream in terror or you can scream in excitement.

And the fact that we put ourselves through these rides means that in some level we quite like fear.

So don't fear fear. Remember the only fear to fear is fear itself.