Name: Meanwhile... Florida Police Offer To Test Illegal Drugs For Coronavirus
Uploaded: 2020-03-14T21:44:12.000Z
Duration: 4 min 17 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, EVERY NIGHT I STAND RIGHT OVER THERE AND

STIR YOU UP A VAT OF THE FINEST FERMENTED NEWS HOPS AND BARLEY,

TO HANDCRAFT THE HIGH END TOPICAL MICROBREW THAT IS MY

BUT NOW AND THEN, I LIKE TO GATHER UP ALL THE LEFTOVER

PLASTIC SOLO CUPS HALF-FILLED WITH DISCOUNT HOOCH, MALT LIQUOR

AND BACKWASH, DUMP 'EM IN A BLENDER AND WHIP UP THE

MULTI-COLORED, BARELY DRINKABLE, MIND-ALTERING SLURRY OF NEWS I

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: "MEANWHILE!" IS

"MEANWHILE!" SAN ALTERNATIVE FUEL SOURCE, IS WHAT IT IS.

"MEANWHILE!" -- A MAN BROUGHT A LLAMA TO HIS

( LAUGHTER ) I'M GOING TO GUESS THE LLAMA

"BE HONEST, MAN, DO YOU REALLY LIKE ME, OR AM I JUST HERE AS A

( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, "A FLORIDA POLICE

DEPARTMENT IS OFFERING TO TEST YOUR RECREATIONAL DRUGS FOR

POSTING ON THEIR FACEBOOK PAGE "BRING IT BY OUR STATION AND WE

THEY PUT SPECIAL VIRUS-DETECTING BRACELETS ON YOU, BEHIND YOUR

BACK, TO KEEP YOU FROM TOUCHING YOUR FACE.

THEN YOU'LL BE BROUGHT BEFORE THE HEAD SCIENTIST, WHO MAY

DETERMINE YOU NEED TO BE QUARANTINED FOR 10-25 YEARS IN A

AND THIS IS TRUE -- THE COPS EVEN TAGGED THE POST

WITH THE FRIENDLY "HASHTAG BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY,"

"HASHTAG HELP US HELP YOU," "HASHTAG VIRUS-FREE METH."

( LAUGHTER ) THEY JUST FORGOT "HASHTAG PLEASE

( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, THERE WAS A WOEFULLY

UNDERREPORTED SUPER TUESDAY ELECTION: THE MAYORAL RACE IN

FAIR HAVEN, VERMONT, WHERE THE WINNER WAS MURFEE, A

SPANIEL, AND HERE'S MURFEE, ANNOUNCING HIS BOLD PLATFORM OF

"LET'S STAND ON THE PORCH AND WONDER WHAT BIRDS ARE."

( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS A CLOSE RACE, BUT MURFEE

EDGED OUT THE INCUMBENT, A THREE-YEAR-OLD NUBIAN GOAT NAMED

EASILY THE SECOND ROUGHEST END TO A POLITICAL CAREER FOR A

WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN BEFORE WE EDIT THIS SCRIPT.

( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN WORD NEWS, NEARLY

32,000 PEOPLE HAVE SIGNED A PETITION ASKING THE OXFORD

DICTIONARY TO UPDATE ITS DEFINITION OF "WOMAN," WHICH

CURRENTLY INCLUDES SUCH SYNONYMS AS BITCH

PIECE, BIT, MARE, BAGGAGE, WENCH, PETTICOAT, FRAIL, BIRD,

IT SOUNDS LIKE AN OLD SCOTTISH WORD FOR THE TOOL USED TO CLUB

I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THAT ONE'S LOOKING AT ME.

THIS IS FUN, LET'S NEVER CHANGE HOW WE TALK, YOU BITCH!"

ONE OF THE EXAMPLE SENTENCES IN THE DICTIONARY SHOWING HOW TO

( AUDIENCE REACTS ) FIRST OF ALL, THAT'S TWO

SECOND, WAS THE GUY WHO WROTE THE DICTIONARY IN THE MIDDLE OF

IT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY THE EXAMPLE SENTENCE FOR THE WORD "HAPPY"

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SAVING THOSE BANANAS TO MAKE BANANA

I THREW THEM AWAY BECAUSE THEY WERE TURNING BLACK!

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Meanwhile... Florida Police Offer To Test Illegal Drugs For Coronavirus

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determine

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