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  • One of the odder phenomena of relationships is the immediate certainty that whenever things go wrong in our lives.

    在人類關係中有個非比尋常的現象就是不論生活中出了什麼差錯,

  • It is first and foremost and quite obviously, our partner's fault.

    我們的第一反應就是怪罪身邊的人。

  • We get furious with our partners because we assign them such a deep role in our lives.

    我們對親近的人生氣因為他們在我們的生活之中扮演重要的角色。

  • We have faith that a person who understands obscure parts of us, whose presence solves so many of our problems

    我們深信這些人了解我們的黑暗面,他們的存在解決我們自身許多問題,

  • couldn't realistically also be someone who wouldn't be able to fix our whole lives.

    卻不能同時解決我們現實生活中所有問題。

  • We exaggerate our partners' powers.

    我們對另一半抱著太大的期待。

  • An exaggeration that's an echo heard in adult life down the decades of a child's or their parents'.

    成年人這樣的期待往往源自幾十年前孩童時期或其父母的生活中。

  • The partner inherits a little of that beautiful romantic dangerous unfair trust

    我們把小時候對父母既美麗神祕又帶有危險的莫名期待

  • that we as children once had in our parents .

    投射在現在身邊親近的人身上。

  • At one level, the lover has learnt how to reassure the anxious child in us, that's why we love them.

    愛我們的人在一定程度上知道如何安撫我們內心焦躁的小孩,所以我們才如此愛他們。

  • But that source of strength also brings with it some very serious problems

    但這種愛也會帶來一些問題,

  • for the primitive part of us insists on trusting them a little too much believing that they actually control far more of existence than they possibly could.

    我們內心最單純的部分過度相信他們,而認為他們能處理的問題比實際上能負擔的更多。

  • It's also to do with a permission that the partner's love gives us to moan in a way we cannot otherwise.

    同時,伴侶們無私的愛讓我們毫無節制地抱怨。

  • The world is constantly mean to us.

    這世界很殘忍。

  • It rejects our creative endeavors. It overlooks us in promotions, it rewards idiots.

    它反駁創意思想、忽略獎勵的重要性卻鼓勵白痴的作為。

  • But usually we can't complain. We can't get angry with the people who are really to blame for hurting us.

    但我們通常無法抱怨。我們無法對那些真正傷害我們的人生氣。

  • So we get angry with those whom we can be sure will tolerate us for blaming them.

    取而代之的,我們對身邊親近的人發脾氣,因為我們相信他們會容忍。

  • We get angry with the very nicest, most sympathetic, most loyal people in our vicinity.

    我們對那些身旁最和善、最富有同理心、最忠心的人發怒。

  • The ones least likely to have harmed us but most likely to stick around.

    那些最不會傷害我們並不離不棄的人。

  • While we blame them furiously for having done so, the mean words and mad accusations we mutter to our lovers undoubtedly often sound horrible.

    當我們生氣地責怪他們時,我們對愛人說出傷人的話,這些話語通常都很刺耳。

  • But let's at least remember that they are a curious proof of intimacy, a symptom of love itself.

    但至少這是親密的證據,是愛的一個象徵。

  • And in their own way, oddly romantic, a detail indirectly acknowledged by their frequently sexual conclusions.

    而由此古老的模式、詭異的浪漫關係的細節中,我們間接得知這個關係常理。

  • We can tell any stranger something reasonable and polite,

    我們可以對陌生人理性且禮貌,

  • but only in the presence of someone we really trust can we dare to be properly irrational and truly unkind.

    但只有在我們真正信任的人面前,我們才敢表現地完全不理性或態度很差。

  • If we think of love as being in perfect agreement all the time,

    如果我們認為愛是全然完美的和諧,

  • we will feel that getting into fights must mean that a relationship is winding down or starting to fall apart.

    那我們一定會把吵架看成是關係的瓦解或破裂。

  • But crazy blame games are at heart just a symptom of an intensity of investment in another person.

    但這瘋狂的責怪競賽只是對於另一半投注強烈情感的一種症狀。

  • We aren't simply nice with our partners because we're so close to them.

    我們對伴侶不單只是因為親近而表現友善。

  • They draw us into very private zones of turbulence and distress from which absolutely everyone else is excluded.

    在他們身旁,我們會進入私領域,毫無保留地發洩與憂傷而這種私領域不是每個人都可以踏進的。

  • That's one of the stranger, more unfortunate and yet from a calm angle almost flattering gifts of love.

    聽起來似乎有些奇怪且不幸,但靜下來思考,那也是親密關係中令人著迷的禮物啊!

One of the odder phenomena of relationships is the immediate certainty that whenever things go wrong in our lives.

在人類關係中有個非比尋常的現象就是不論生活中出了什麼差錯,

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