Name: Porn With Clothes On
Uploaded: 2018-04-05T14:53:52.000Z
Duration: 5 min 15 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

How do I go from working a regular job...

It wasn't until I met Chris Brown, and saw how girls ACTED around this dude, that I was kinda like...

...I think - I think I need to be on camera."

I got a call one day to come in and audition,

and the FIRST think they'd tell me was, "Listen...

there's this project, there's this MAJOR female movie star attached,

All y'all need to know,  is I had the HUGEST crush on this girl,

Since the first movie I'd seen her in, *claps* "DONE."

So when I heard she was attatched to this project already, I was like,

So the audition day comes along, I go to the audition...

...walk into the room, and the writer's there, the producer's there, and the cameraman's there.

"Alright Swooz, whenever you're ready - just go."

And about an hour later, I get a call from my agent, Arlita.

[Swoozie]
"[Stuttering] What do you mean 'what happened?'"

"They want you to come back on Thursday to do a chemistry test,

and do the same kissing scene - that you did today - but with Natalie."

Natalie Portman. Right. Frickin'. There -

Same people are there - Producer, writer, cameraman.

I'm there, like, gargling Listerine.
I'm ready.

So the producer comes up, and she's like,

and it's time for the kiss - and she starts leaning in.

Our lips are about to touch, and I'm like,

- and boom! She pulls away.
Like, legit, as our lips touch.

A few days later, I'm in an Uber, and my phone rings.

"They want you!
Like, they're offering you the role.
Right now.
Take it."

"Hold on - Jason's calling.
Jason, you're on."

[Jason]
"Uh, this is - this is huge.
I'm bringing the champagne. Where we partying at?"

"They sent me the script 10 seconds ago,
I read the entire thing...

...you understand you have a love scene, right?"

[Jason]
"Check your email,
let me know when you get to page 50."

And it the script it says we're making out.

and we're hooking up in front of the ENTIRE room full of people.

We're knocking over furniture, everybody's filming us-

-and the last sentence, of the description in the script, says -

They're going at it so aggressively... It's porn...
with their clothes on.

And I instantly look up and RIP my shirt off, like -

...low frequency, high frequency - I heard - that people prepare for this stuff, like-

-y'know, just say:
"Hey, let's have coffee."

And while they're having coffee, they say:
"Let's go back to my place and 'go over our lines'."

So the next day, I get a call from Arlita, and she's like-

[Arlita]
"Okay, Swooz, I got an update.
It's kinda not good."

"They need you in [this nameless city] for 8 days."

...which is terrible, because they've got a really big budget for this production."

[Swoozie]
"But I get to make out with Natalie Portman tho."

[Arlita]
"Seems to me, they know you haven't been in a bunch of movies, so they're lowballing you. BIG TIME."

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